Adopting the Older Child: Tinkerbelle, Tinkerbelle, Tinker All the Way (Adjusting)

"But as soon as they arrived home, nothing that worked with the other kids we had raised seemed to apply to these new two..."

Ever hear the phrase 'no two siblings are alike'? In our house not one of the six even mimics anyone else! I'll probably get some hate mail with this one, but adopting an older child is not the same as having a baby the minute they arrive. You missed stuff. Lots of stuff. Don't fret about that. I promise you will get to see lots of firsts with your older adopted child! But don't be surprised when what works for one child won't work for another child. Embrace the crazy, try lots of different things and don't give up until you are successful!

"Early one morning, I was reading one of the books...and I came upon a chapter that said that children can get 'stuck' at the age of a major trauma. That hit me like a two-by-four. Our daughter had suffered a series of extreme traumas when she was six years old..... Was it possible that she was 'stuck' at six in a twelve year old body?"

"After this, I got it. Yes, she might be intellectually twelve or physically twelve, but inside she was a six year old little girl. Within 24 hours we had changed our strategy and approach with her, and everything changed for the better."

"So you may be thinking by now that if you let your child do these 'regressed' things, you are not helping him grow or make progress Don't worry that you will keep your kid 'stuck' at a regressed level if you make these adjustments. Once given the chance to be every age, your child will 'catch up' as he is ready."

When our two adopted kiddos came home from Uganda we parented them like they were infants. We introduced infant/toddler toys. Yes, they were 4 and 5. But they weren't ready to be 4 or 5 yet. They were totally into those baby toys for about 6-8 months. And then they moved on. When they were 5 and 6 they were loving Fisher Price toddler/preschool toys. They are now 7 and 8 and still love some preschool toys, but mostly love things that other early elementary age kiddos love. I realize 'toys' don't relate to emotional health. And in our house emotionally I don't think my kiddos are 7 and 8 yet. But ya know what, they aren't two anymore!! I was talking with a friend today and was reminded and encouraged to not fret when leaps and bounds aren't happening.... it's okay to be grateful for the slow and steady growth and progress!

Don't let anyone make you feel bad for doing what your child needs. If your 16 year old needs to sit and play legos with you at the table, do it! If your 8 year old needs to stack blocks with you, do it. Just remember the more you can do with your child instead of 'in the same room with your child', interacting with them, the better off you are both going to be!