Adopting the Older Child: Keep It Small (Adjusting)

If you didn't catch my post Sunday, this week we are talking about the book

Fasten Your Sweet Belt: 10 Things You Need to Know About Older Child Adoption by Jodi Jackson Tucker with Agnes Tucker

Chapter One: Keep it Small, Skip the Mall (Adjusting)

"... not only was a mall too overwhelming for a child from an institutional environment or a simple village, but even our home was overwhelming for our kids initially."

"I didn't realize just how small I needed to make their world at first to let them slowly learn and cope and master our environment."

Shrinking their world is a beautiful thing! They are use to not much. Don't change that.

I know it's hard, you want to bless them with things they never dreamed of having. People who love you and them and have been right beside you through the adoption process want to be excited and that usually means gifts and things! Say no! Let them be excited through filling your freezer with meals. Let them be excited through sending cards in the mail to all your kids. You can be excited, they can be excited with stuff.... later. Waaaaaaaay later. Like the second year they are home at the earliest.

If you already have a houseful of kids and stuff, clear out the stuff before you bring your kiddos home. I promise everyone in your home will be happier! Things like flushing the toilet and turning on (and off, and on, and off) a light switch are going to be enough fun. Trying new foods will be enough excitement. Learning how to maneuver refrigerator doors and microwaves will be plenty. Kids who are not use to having a closet full of clothes don't know what to do with a closet full of clothes. When they don't know what to do with something, they get stressed. Don't stress them! Keep it simple. Very. Very. Simple!

Take time to teach them who mom and dad are. And that mom and dad meet your needs. You meet their needs. Not brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends. You. Mom and dad. Teach them that family is forever. Trust will take time. So start big with meeting their needs at first, so that later down the road, after they trust and are attached to you, they can learn that in addition to you there are others they can trust. I know your mom can be trusted and is excited to love big on your new child. I know your Granny wants to cook and bake and shower this child with gifts. Explain to them that you are grateful and thankful and they can do all those things. Later. Waaaaaaay later! If all those other people are way more fun than you while you are trying to teach family, boundaries, how your family operates, you are going to have trouble on your hands and attachment will take longer. And nobody wants that!!!!

"In the end, try to keep life as simple as possible when your kids first get home. Spend family time together doing old-fashioned, basic things, like playing cards or taking nature walks. Our kids really enjoyed that time, and to be honest, we did too."