We Are Moving

Move along with us!

www.packofpenners.com

Oh, the many faces...

Happy face.
Sad face.
Frustrated face.

When you have kids from hard places, you may see all of these faces within a matter of minutes.  There is something extra quirky about these faces though.  Is that mad on the outside face really mad?  Or is it sad?  Our kiddos internal and external emotions don't always match.  Is the happy face really happy, or is there something in the past that trained the little child to slap on a happy face to please the visitors stopping by?  Even if the child was tired, hungry, sad, or mad on the inside.

It has been so interesting to see different situations and which cards little hands pick up to show their emotions.  Especially when it's clear the emotion you know they are feeling on the inside.  When they are clearly feeling sadness, but pick up the happy face card simply because they are trying to please you or trying to show the emotion they think you want to see.  Instead of letting themselves be sad.

Besides being really cute, these cards are really helping around here.  That frustrated one is my favorite.   Makes me wonder if they were making a portrait of me!  Sadly, I am pretty sure they have seen that one on me before!

The First Day

Don't ya just love the excitement of the first day of school?!?!  

 Clark gets to be the only Penner at his school for the very first time!

 Elena had her last first day of elementary school!

 Grant became a high schooler!

 Briley is now an upper classman.
How in the world did THAT happen?!?!

 Kendric and KaiaRose are kicking off the week of homeschooling with a week of field trips!  Today was the science museum.  They were happy to be back with their 'class'... AKA BFFs!

And here are some other random pics.  Poor KR couldn't even get a solo pic cause her big brothers wouldn't get out of the way!

True Story

Yesterday my phone rang.  It was the realty desk saying a realtor wanted to show our house.  In 2 hours.  Normally that would be fine and dandy.  Two hours is plenty of time to beautify our home.  Except I was getting in the car to start carpool line number one out of three and would not be back for 2 hours.  So I asked if they could give me 3 hours.  They said that was fine.

As each child hopped in the car I told them what was expected when we got home.  I told them to just leave their backpacks in the car and assigned tasks.  There are bonuses to having 6 people around in times like this.  You, windows!  You, wipe down the bathrooms!  You, vacuum!  You, kitchen counters and dining room tables!  You, check the bedrooms to make sure the beds are made and dirty clothes are actually IN the laundry baskets!  In my head, it was going to go like clockwork.  Until based on their actions, I remembered, they are indeed children!

One cleaned the glass window.  Within seconds another stuck their face on just cleaned glass window.  In several spots.  One vacuumed the stairs.  But didn't realize the bag had unattached itself and as the child bumped the vacuum up the stairs, the dirt bumped out onto each stair.  One used wood floor cleaner on the kitchen counters.  Which are not made of wood.  But boy are they now SHINY!  There is more, but I think you get the point.

So I went to plan B.  Everybody get a popsicle and go to the front porch.  When you finish your popsicle, throw the trash away in the outside garbage can and get in the van.  Which I started, turned on a movie and the A/C.  Yes, I realize this is a waste of gas... but it was the lesser of two evils!

I started in the basement.  Fixing what had been disturbed.  Next I went upstairs, thankful Keith had cleaned out the closets this weekend.  Then I hit the main floor where I peeked out the windows and made sure nobody was left on the front porch.  Assuming they were all in the van.  Cause even though they are children, they are children who can follow directions!  I mopped myself to the front door, grabbed my stuff and went to the van.  Yes, with the mop in hand.  Which I put in the back of the van.

I backed out of the driveway headed to the pool for swim team practice.  Happy and content to only be 5 minutes late.  I drove 2 out of the 3 miles to the pool, glanced back and something didn't seem right.  I counted Briley sitting beside me and then 1, 2, 3 heads.  Not good.  Head number 5 and head number 6 were nowhere to be found.  I pulled into someones driveway, turned around and headed back home.  I couldn't find my phone, but Briley had his. He called home.  He was talking calmly to the children who got left behind while I was YELLING across the car.  I thought Briley was being nicer than needed so I grabbed his phone and gave my little not in the cars an earful.  Since they were in the basement, I told them to come out the sliding glass doors and be waiting in the driveway.  Then I hung up, tossed the phone in Briley's lap and accidentally hit his man parts.  To which he let out the strangest sound and crunched over in his seat.  


When I pulled into the driveway there were no children waiting in the driveway.  I went into the house and they caught my eye and bolted out the backdoor.  I locked the front door, locked the back door and went down to the basement to make sure the door was locked.  And I could not believe what I saw.  The little sweeties had rearranged and thus destroyed the look of the basement.  AHHHHHH!  I fixed it all. Again.  And then headed back to the van.  The children were all sitting silently.  Shaking.  Some had their fingers in their ears.  Those were the smart ones.  


So went the first showing of our house for sale.  Perhaps I should just move the children outside.  They can live in tents until it sells, right?  They LOVE camping!

Love Is...

As a mama to many I often ponder if I am loving each of my little blessings how they need to be loved.  This morning as I was getting the kids ready for school, I thought about one of the most well known verses about Love.  Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV And then I busted out laughing.  When I was younger, I would never have guessed that showing love looks like it currently does in my life.  Never.  Ever.  

Love is... getting the kid who thinks socks need de-linted up 3 minutes early.  And providing the duct tape to de-lint.  It is not wasting time fussing at him because de-linting socks is ridiculous and thus starting his day off crabby.  And ya know what you get when you have the duct tape ready and waiting for that kid with a splash of OCD?  A sweet smile and an extra squishy good morning hug.  


Love is... sitting on the bedroom floor criss cross applesauce knees to criss cross applesauce knees talking about bras.  And how they hook.  And how they adjust.  And how ya have to be careful they don't show.  Which leads to a conversation about all sorts of things including life and love and topics I thought were too mature for the little one sitting before me. And ya know what ya get when you take the time to sit with your child?  Ya get to see your little girls eyes sparkle as she talks about her dreams.  And ya get to feel her little arms wrapped around you as she hugs you tight and whispers 'thanks' in your ear.     


Love is... listening to the same song over and over and over that ya don't even like in the first place.  As your child practices for what he has deemed 'the biggest day in his life'.  And as he conducts that song over and over and over.  And over.  Then some more.  Carefully watching his reflection in the glass door.  And you can't laugh.  Even though his brows angle just so and his eyes look so serious and his lips puff out like he is kissing air and his arms swoop through the air like eagles wings.  And ya know what you get as you wish you could find the earplugs? When he is getting out of the car for his 'biggest day' he starts to get out, but pauses.  And he puts his hand on the back of your shoulder and says he is glad you are just as excited as he is for his day and the opportunities that lie before him.  


I can't wait to see how I get to love these people in the future.  

I have a dream

I have been told many times I am not a dreamer.  It's true.  I focus on tasks.  Give me a to do list with neat organized lines and I will happily blow through that list.  In college I got to take a course that studied an organization from every angle, took it apart and put it back together again in a better more efficient way.  I thought that was the most fun ever.  The vision was already in tact. The mission of the organization just wasn't coming through because some tweaks needed to happen.  I may not see things in big picture, but I sure do see things that need tweaked once someone has laid down the foundation.

Well today I am putting away my lists.  I am not being detail oriented.  I am allowing my mind to wander, to day dream.

Today, I have a dream.

I have a dream that every child on this planet will have a family.  I have a dream that orphanages and institutional care will be something kids in the next generation read about in their history books.  I have a dream that not only will all children have a family, but they will thrive as a family.  I have a dream that families will eat dinner together and chat about their days, the joys as well as the struggles.  I have a dream that children will be allowed to be fully kids so that when they grow up they can be fully adults.  I have a dream that children will learn to love and respect their parents and the boundaries those parents set in place so that when they grow up they can love and respect others as well as place boundaries in their own life.  I have a dream that families would help each other.  Love each other.  Support each other.  I have a dream that I don't want to allow myself to dream because it leads my mind to the nightmare of so many situations children find themselves today in this world.

Today I will not allow myself to place my dream out of my mind.
Today and each day I have, I shall dream this dream.

The Mom Song

Ode To Mommies

As Mother's Day approaches each year I get a little sad.

Sad there are so many little ones who are living without their mamas.
Sad there are so many amazing women desiring nothing more than to be a mom.
Sad my little Ugandans can't be with their first moms.

So ya know the phrase laugh or cry?  Well, I do both this time of year.  And over the next few days I will share some little vidoes that help me laugh.

A Tribute to Mommies : Mommy Rhapsody from hulahan on GodTube.

Transracial Adoption: Talking It Out

One of the things we have to purposefully pursue is getting our kids to talk about their day. For us, it use to go a little something like this.

Me: How was your day?
Child: Fine.
End of discussion.

My kids are now trained to TALK to me about their day. They learned with a combination of me modeling how to talk about my day and a bit of nagging for more words in their descriptions. I have a child who LOVES to delve into every detail about the day and I have a child that is a trained talker. And then four more who are all somewhere in the middle.

The conversation with my trained talker goes a little something like this.
 Me: How was your day?
Child: Okay, the bus ride was good. In first period we talked about themes in the book we were reading. In second period we talked about our decades project that is due next Tuesday. In third period we finished up our science experiment. At lunch I sat with so and so.  In fourth period every time the teacher turned his back to us, spit wads went flying.
Me: Did you participate in the spit wad flying?
Child: Well, not really.
Me: What does not really mean?
Child: Well I laughed, but I didn't spit.
Me: Good for you for not being part of the spit wad flying club, but do you think perhaps your laughing encouraged the kids to continue instead of stop?
Child: Yeah, I guess, but it was really funny cause it took over 10 minutes for the teacher to realize what was happening.

My trained talker literally lists every class, a sentence about the class, checks his daily 'reporting to mom about my day' requirement off his list and moves on.

What I am doing while talking about each child's day is looking for teachable moments as well as trying to get them talking, so if one day something hurtful happens, they feel safe talking about the issue. This is especially important for our transracial family.

Kids say things and don't realize the impact it has on our kids. When a child asks my adopted child 'how much did you cost because my mommy said your white parents bought you', it hurts. It causes their little brains to lock up. My child may come home and be quite, have behaviors that aren't too pleasant, or just act short tempered and snarky. While they may not verbally tell me the details, I immediately know something happened. When my chatty one comes home and starts listing off her day by class like my non chatty one, I know something is up. And that allows me to engage her in conversation to help her get it out verbally. I might ask her if she wants to run an errand with me, or take a walk with me so we have an opportunity to talk things out.

Another way to learn about your kids day is to have a round of 'lows and highs' at the dinner table. PS... yes, this means you eat dinner together as a family!  Go around the table and let each person say a low, or something that wasn't the greatest about their day.  Then go around and let each family member talk about a high, or something that was great about their day.  If there is a teachable moment that comes from the round of lows and highs, don't let it pass.  It could be it's a private teachable moment that doesn't need to happen at the table with the whole family present.  Perhaps it's a teachable moment that is better saved for bedtime as you are tucking your child into bed.  Or maybe it is a great moment for the whole family to be in on the discussion.  A simple 'how did that make you feel' or asking a different child what they would have done in a similar situation is an easy start to further the conversation.

Ultimately the goal is to know your child, be able to read your child's non verbal clues and create a safe place for your child to share their feelings with you.  Talking it out is extra important for a transracial family.  Hurts need to be healed.  As we help our children learn to verbally express themselves we can point them to Jesus, the true healer of their hurts.

Transracial Adoption: Oh, the things people say...

We have had the joy of being on the receiving end of lots of comments about our transracial family. Did you catch the sarcasm?!?! I will throw out some of the fun ones, but I don't want to dwell on the negative. Let's dwell on the children. And protecting them. If a stranger, or friend, or (get ready) family member says something insensitive to you (or worse, in front of your child) your answering in a rude, cranky tone will not help. It may feel good at the moment, I know from experience, but it won't help!

When you respond to people, do so in a way that will protect your child's privacy. Simply saying, 'That is their story to tell' is just fine. When you are saying things in response to others you are modeling behavior for your children. They will learn to copy your responses. Kids are great mirrors. I have to remember this! One last thing to remember is when your child hears the question, you are answering that question for your child. Don't worry about what you are saying to that stranger, friend or family member. Worry that your response is healing for your child.

And now on to "Oh, the things people say" and the things I would LOVE to say back.

Will this be on one check? Um, yes. My five year old daughter is not employed at this time.

Which ones are real? All of them, except the tall one. He is a robot.

Is he really good at sports? Yeah, he is the youngest NBA player to date. Also the shortest. Do you want his autograph?

Do you have an opening in your daycare? Sorry, no, but I would be glad to put you on my waiting list if you fill out the application and pay the $250 application fee to reserve a spot. It's fun this life we live!!